The Parish Counsel

Here they come. Walking down the street. Well, not exactly walking, more sitting. In fact, only sitting. And there's no street involved. But there are two geezers. And they are talking about Big Fat Gypsy Weddings, Ten o Clock Live, junk telly, Whitney hyperbole and putting tracks on an iPod that isn't there. They do look a bit like monkeys too.

Ah sweet relief! Granted those two grizzled old blokes are there waxing on about Junior Doctors, horror on the railways, Twitter, Sky and their virtual iPod device - BUT at least they are punctuated by a lovely, talented lady about halfway through. It won't last.

Setting the world to rights? That's for the UN. Instead, these two wide-boys have a chinwag about odd names for pets, Tales From The Underground, being gay in football, addiction to social media and the return of the mighty virtual iPod. Give it some ears, why don't you?

This week, the Dimmer Twins set about breakfasts, bad spelling, Coppers, binge boozing and dress codes. Then it's back to the basket weaving.

Oh right, here we we go again. Who fancies some Room 101, filming dead people, voicemails, Muhammed Ali, Megaupload arrests and similar hoo-ha. You do? Really?

Settling down with a large pot of Lady Gray and a packet of mint Club biscuits, Magnus and Terence give it large on the piracy extradition case, Anne Diamond and Leveson, The Brits and CBB 2012. Then it's off to Subway for a six inch treat.

Happy New Year and welcome to 2012. This is the drastic duo's review of 2011 and it's a bumper podcast. You may want to sit down, get comfortable and bring a packed lunch.

Half crazed on mince pies and wrapping paper, the two elves (actually rather large for elves) find a break in their Christmas shopping to discuss Manic Street Preachers, swearing footballers, X-Factor winners, polar bears birthing and Cliff. Ho, bloomin', ho. More podcasts in 2012. Merry Christmas parishioners everywhere.

As if they didn't have a care in the world or any Christmas shopping to do, those two blokes somehow find time to muse on Macca at the O2, Kelly in her pants, modern high streets, Jools Holland, Cilla & Bolan and their funny iPod thingy. What a disgrace!

What again? Oi! How many times have I told you two not to discuss Clarkson, BBC memos ancient and modern, Christmas Radio Times, Trip Advisor and that blasted virtual iPod, on my lawn? Clear off.