The Parish Counsel

Good grief. It's those two again. I only popped round to borrow some sugar and there they are jabbering on about Tory Boy, Daybreak, advertising music, George Monbiot and that bloomin' iPod of theirs. I made my excuses and went home. You might like it though.

Hey! You two! What time do you call this? Don't give me all that nonsense about technical problems! Now, get on with your talky talk about poppies, zombies, Soho, Life's Too Short and pop songs for your new-fangled virtual iPod. And don't be late again, do you hear?

While the Euro tanks and the economy crashes these two muppets have a pow-wow about Jimmy Savile, racism, Radio Four's news issues, BBC job titles and a couple of records they quite like. Will they never learn?

Pull up a chair. Help yourself to tea. And listen in as these two donuts give it large about spooky happenings, the Young Apprentice, The Cure at The Albert Hall, protesters in tents and pick some of that beat music for the invisible iPod. Something should be done.

Giggling like a couple of big girls, here they come again. With their talk of The Stone Roses, dictators in freezers, Chris de Burgh's eyebrows, Private Eye and an invisible iPod, you'd think they had nothing better to do.

Two blokes. Nothing better to do but go on and on about Terence's mum, politicians getting life horribly wrong, Macca's wedding and the Beatles reunion that wasn't and their invisible i-Pod. Layabouts.

Here they come. Banging on about that Later show off the telly, Steve Jobs and Apple, BBC cuts and Danny Baker - not to mention Bob Dylan's pictures and rubbish toys. Haven't these people got jobs?

The key to the door. In this episode the Slimmer Twins get all verbal about The Bible reunion, Echo & The Bunnymen's issues, Michael Jackson's body, Tevez in trouble and Blue Peter pets. Afterwards they rewire some plugs.

Two blokes - Terence & Magnus - sitting down and talking about Dorset, REM, Downton Abbey, Simon Cowell, The Queen Mother and The Royal Variety Performance. Then standing up and wandering off.

And so the intrepid duo turn their attention to Wossy's new show, the future of famous record labels, the return of Johann Hari and public speaking. Then there's the washing up to do.