The Parish Counsel

Band re-unions, Blackberry's PR disaster, Vine, Prince Harry on the telly, Weight Watchers investigated and the pretend iPod. Alright if you like that kind of thing I suppose.

Tesco's bakery, outsourcing your job, the social media addict test, Twitter and TV, and the ITV rebrand. They tell me people find this stuff interesting. 'They' being these two waffle-merchants. I'll bet there's that pretend iPod too ...

Through the icy wastes two lonely figures trudge, their steps leaving dark trails in the whitened ground. On the freezing wind is heard talk of  the HMV sale, Blockbuster, Jessops, the HAPIfork, Trevor McDonald and the Pretend iPod. They're not coming in here with those mucky boots, I can tell you.

Snow's coming, they say. Just my luck to get stuck in a blizzard with these two, gobbling on about punk cafe scams, HMV, World In Action, smart forks and that iPod thingy. Bring me a shovel, quick!

A new year and a whole new start. I've promised myself I'll no longer put up with a lot of  prattle from those two old buffers ... excuse me, that's my phone. Hello? Wrong planets? The Guardian? Parties? Charlie Brooker? Pretend iPod? It's you two isn't it? Arghhhh ....!!

Ladies and gents, please raise your glasses and toast the passing of 2012 and the dawn of 2013. Alternatively, spend over an hour discussing colds, tablet devices, Gerry Anderson, Downton at Christmas, Open Doors on telly and the pretend iPod. It's up to you really ...

Here y'go then you two, a card and a present each. And what did you bring for me? A bumper festive podcast? Are you joking? I don't care if it does cover Christmas past, crisis at the BBC, Celebrity Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, Tiswas and the pretend iPod. A podcast is not a proper gift!!

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Unless you're sitting with two fellas going on about the future of HMV, On The Run off the telly, Twitter's boss and their pretend iPod thing. At least things would be improved by a chat with the lovely Fran Smith. Giddy-up!

Christmas decorations, Holly versus The Sport, vintage technology on BBC4 and the pretend iPod. Ho, ho, ho. Now pass those mince pies and get that tree put up, will you?

Cold? I'll tell you what's cold. Standing out here in the garden so I don't have to listen to those two going on and on about bad cafes, absent DJs, D Love, Kookyville and that confounded pretend iPod. Brrrrrrrrrr