The Parish Counsel

In which Tesco aren't laughing but are tagging, Sugar is firing, witches are dying, questions are sporting and the Pretend iPod is building.

In which names are explained, class is tested, remotes go on rings, sewing lets it bee and the Pretend iPod grows.

The Easter Extended Special - in which Terence breaks down, Google has glasses, Baker has a band, Shaw goes to parliament, Widdecombe is reviewed and the Pretend iPod gets two tracks longer.

In which casinos are visited, dialects are tested, Kevin Eldon is examined, The Challenger is reviewed, space shuttles launch and the Pretend iPod is attended to.

In which Peter Hitchens is annoyed, Bonnie Tyler is nominated, Twickets are exchanged, mimics are mauled, comedy is buried and the pretend iPod swells.

In which kids are scared of classical music, Justin is late, People Like Us are on telly, children are plugged in, pubs vanish, Bluestone 42 is reviewed and the Pretend iPod gets two tracks larger.

In which Terence is trapped in a car wash. Twice. Bonuses are awarded, builders fail basic social media, BBC DJs are marked out of ten, 'Heading Out' is reviewed and the Pretend iPod is updated.

In which late-night phones are rung, emails are scammed, the Mail goes crackers, juries go off track, chicken shops go on telly, Rhona Martin watches TOTP 78 and pretend iPods are enhanced.

In which padlocks become romantic, a parishioner becomes engaged, a star becomes bankrupt, a supermarket launches a TV channel, Black Mirror is reviewed and a pretend iPod is added to.

Oi, you two. Whaddya think you're doin'? Podcasting? What on earth is podcasting? Talking about telephone protocol, online cookery, local TV, The One Show and a made up iPod? That's it? Good grief. I must admit I enjoyed the nice Scottish lady talking about My Bloomin' Valentine though. She was good.