In which we discuss the danger of satnavs; the woes of celebrity selfies; the pursuit of Ashya; the new chair of the BBC Trust; the sparkle of Gems TV; and two rawking tracks are added to the Pretend iPod.

In which we remember Lord Attenborough; burst through the front doors of pirate film distributors, and innocent gamers; referee between Frankie Boyle & Jeremy Clarkson; eat Baked Alaska from the bin; & add two empyral tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we groan at the top gags from the Edinburgh Fringe; jump the queue for 50p; consider whether we're old enough to watch Monty Python & Beyonce; review Celebrity Big Brother; and add two breathtaking tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we try (hard) to empathise with Morrissey; applaud The Sun!; peruse the rise of Buzzfeed; stand back from the Amazon/Hachette war; review Food And Drink on the telly; and add two singular tracks to the pretend iPod.

In which we examine 'Wreathgate', consider the David Brent movie, turn down a house because of poor mobile coverage, frown on unpaid radio work, watch Dragons' Den, and add two hearty tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we listen to Led Zeppelin in the Co-op; watch Chris Evans surfing the waves of RAJAR; question the wisdom of The Sun's 'Satan Boy' story; view a Tulisa documentary; and add two dolorous tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we moan about BT & Tesco; cheer for Colin Brazier; calculate percentages at the BBC; uncover the fake Sheikh; review the telly; and add two sonorous tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we consider the cabinet reshuffle and the Daily Mail catwalk; there's a pub - it's called The Jobcentre and The Guardian don't like it; bicycle seats on planes; Kirstie Allsopp takes a saw to a tea chest; and two shimmering tracks are shuffled on to the Pretend iPod.

In which we have little sympathy for Robin Thicke; wonder if we need Digital Eagles; calculate losses at The Guardian; watch a lot of television; and add two raucous tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we ponder the importance of balloons in day-to-day life; Dolly at Glastonbury; the changes afoot at 5Live & Absolute Radio; review ITV's 'The Betrayers' & add two sweltering tracks to the Pretend iPod.