The Parish Counsel

In which we light up with 1D; consider Rupert Murdoch's buttocks; watch Alex Salmond miss a penalty; worry about the driver-less car; watch Mods & Rockers throw deckchairs; and add two sunlit tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we muse upon The Sun's World Cup giveaway; consider what's wrong with Marks & Spencer; don't listen to Coldplay on Spotify; stay in a Premier Inn with the BBC; review 'The Island'; and add two scrumptious tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we moan about audiences at classical music gigs; groan at booking fees for festival tickets; whine about wooden plates when dining out; grumble about celebrity columns in newspapers; lament London Live; but then conclude, joyously, with two sparkling tracks added to the Pretend iPod.

In which we empathise with Katie Price; re-take our A Levels; eschew boredom; watch the Met Police watching us; review Party Election Broadcasts; and add two twinkling tracks to the Pretend iPod.

In which we discuss what's wrong with sport; praise Gordon Brown; wonder if the game is up for Amazon; wave farewell to Paxman; stand at ease with Dad's Army; review 'Good Morning Britain'; and add two shimmering tracks to the Pretend iPod.