'Why don't you fellows invite a friend round?' I said. So they did and bless my soul if it wasn't that smashing Steve Hackett chap. But that didn't stop them going on about the Rolling Stones, parties, cancelled gigs and that blethering iPod thing. Well, I should have known really.
I sent those two out to make a start on the Christmas shopping. They came back empty-handed. Apparently they'd been distracted by talk of Marlow (the town), namesakes, master actors, BBC ownership, Scrimpers on the telly, James Bond and that daft pretend iPod. I've sent them back.
'Pop round and try a bit of my wife's lemon drizzle cake', I said. Hours they were here. Between mouthfuls, they rattled on and on about trips to the USA, The Young Apprentice, some massive T-Rex competition, bank cards and their made-up iPod. Didn't even wash up.
Well, at least the gruesome twosome weren't having me on (like that time they told me pepper was an excellent toothpaste substitute). Because, as threatened, here comes part two of the "Vinyl Special". Colgate, SR or Sensodyne - never pepper. That's my advice.