Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the Rocking Vicar's official podcast episode 64. Please enjoy our stories of haircuts, BBC appearance fees, ITV's documentary on night, The Stones at 50 and .... agggghhhh, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! A LION!!! A LION!!!!!!
What-ho chaps! I'm just having a spiffing dip in the old pool, then there's a top-notch little do up in my suite. Some super totty coming and me and the chaps have set up a bang-on game of strip billiards. What do you mean you'd rather talk about Edinburgh jokes, comics, Harry Hill and your iPod? The Sun front page? No I haven't ... I say!
Well, you two managed to waffle throughout the Olympics, so I'm expecting you to remain absolutely silent while I watch the new series of X-Factor. No Cowell, you say? Pussycat Doll? (Sigh). Go on then, tell me about the closing ceremony, Celebrity Big Brother, Russell Brand on addictions and that never-ending iPod of yours. What have I got to lose?
Do you two realise you could be on a podium, receiving a bronze for BMX dressage, instead of harping on about the Guardian Weekend magazine, Twitter bans, Games Makers, anti-DJ radio, a pop-up plumber and your pretend iPod? Think on.