The Parish Counsel

And here come the British team - and I have to say, two of them look in terrible shape. What's more, instead of concentrating on medals, they appear to be nattering about the opening ceremony, rock stars in disguise, free wi-fi, Ab Fab and some music they rather like. Hold on, they're not athletes - security!

One across: highly opinionated pair gassing about passports, Hyde Park, TOTP 1977, Dave, polls and pretend iPods. Not exactly cryptic, is it?

Sarge? Yes, I've found the source of that droning noise. No, not insects. Actually a couple of doughnuts talking about hand signals, funerals, Moyles, 2012, Bank of Dave and something called the 'pretend iPod'. Nick 'em? Will do.

La, la, la. I can't hear you. Not listening to your yammering about the Udderbelly festival, Sykes, West End theatre woes, the new BBC DG, Lydon on Question Time and the pretend, mystical, mythical, iPod jukebox. La, la, la.